Awesome FML Quotes

Feeling a bit down, a bit stressed, n all that shyt… I resolved to bring on a touch of cheer by reading some quotes on the FML App for iPhone.   For those who don’t know – FML is an acronym for ‘F*ck my life’, and is usually used when something crappy happens. Anyway… my mood was lifted and ribs were hurting from laughter after above five minutes.

Today, I had surgery on my “girl parts” and can’t have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML

Today, I got demoted from my manager’s position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on msn when her roommate answered «Sorry, this is not Marie, she is at her boyfriend’s ». Really? I’ve looked everywhere in my flat, I can’t find her. FML

Today, I heard my sister having a fuck. FML

Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called “How to confess to having an affair.” FML

Today, as I was talking my three year old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, “No, not you! My other daddy!” I’ve got some talking to do tonight. FML

Today I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum I heard my mum’s voice on my voicemail: “Hi sweetheart”. FML

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

Today, my mum prepared my bag for football practice. In the changing room I found one of her thongs. FML

Today, I was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend. I wasn’t able to control it : I farted right into her nose. FML

Probably the funniest (and grossest) quote so far…

Today I was looking for a magazine in my mother’s bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. So: my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad’s cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

Ryan Paul

Just some Canadian guy who used to be British, and who has come to be highly ashamed at the chapters in Canadian history concerning Aboriginal people.

6 Responses

  1. cmclark0516 says:

     My friend crashed my car into a parked car and I got a DUI cause it was my car and 6 other charges! FML

  2. MAB says:

    today i became illuminati ,, FML .. uh not rlly

  3. Lostu2010 says:

    woke up and found my car gone…go to my phone to make some calls and see the police called so i listen to voice mess … and it says my car had been towed… it cost me $350.00 for parking at a friends house …wow fml

  4. Wiesetiffiny says:

    toay i was sittin down my pants were way  to small then when i sat down they ripped and i forgot to put underwear on and it ripped in the front and back FML.

  5. Not even says:

    Today I posted this saying FML

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