Moods and Life

I woke up this morning in a relatively good mood. No issues were particularly bothering me, and no person was particularly bothering me. On the way driving to work, I got to thinking about people who have done me wrong – people here in Kenora – who haven’t even had the decency to apologise and admit they were wrong. I got to thinking about how much I hate that person. I actually rather liked the person at one time… we always got along well, laughed and joked until one incident. It was relatively minor but they were in the wrong and never apologised. I’m definitely a person who holds a grudge and NEVER forgets a wrongdoing against them – I might push it to one side for one reason or another, but I never forget and never forgive.

So by the time I’d got to work and made my tea in the morning, I was in the foulest mood anyone could ever have imagined. There came a point this morning when I almost wished everyone in town to die. I don’t think words can quite describe how venomous and full of raw hatred I felt this morning. For a while the words ‘Falling Down’ kept ringing through my head.

Luckily I’m over feeling bad about that for now. I still feel the hatred, but I feel better now than I did earlier.

I used the company credit card with permission from the Boss Guy to buy myself an upgrade to Norton 360 for my home computer. Damn thing cost me $70.57 but it is an investment and will definitely protect me against morons. I should’ve just bought Norton Ghost too – that and Norton 360 would be COMPLETE PC protection.

There’s a site at work that uses a vBulletin message board. I’ve been dying to convert it to eBlah for the entire year I’ve worked at Overdrive. Except there’s no external access to the database, and I can’t import the SQL file into a an empty database on any other site. That’s really stupid. What kind of a host would give someone SQL, but not the ability to edit/add/change the damn thing? vBulletin REALLY sucks!

There’s a couple of php scripts I dearly wish I had… a reliable offer-free-email script and an awesome flatfile and MYSQL php forum. In theory I could pay for them but obviously not much.

Good news is I only owe Lori $1600 now. Slowly but surely paying back my debt to her. Once that’s done, I’ll slowly but surely start paying back Malcolm – although that will take far far longer.

I’ve decided… if I become a police officer within the next year and a half (Dan Jorgensen said he’d get his deputy to call me on the next recruitment drive), then I will stay with that… but if I’m not by the time I’m eligible for and gain Canadian citizenship, I’m going to join the military. For a number of reasons… I believe being a soldier is an honourable thing to be… I believe Canada needs more soldiers… I believe in the current missions that Canada has its soldiers deployed on… and the pay and benefits are quite fair. Although not as much as they should be considering the military are putting their lives at risk every day to give others the chance at living without oppression.

I read an article in the Legion magazine. The reporter was following a reconstruction team around places in Afghanistan like Panjwaii and Kandahar. You hear the phrase ‘hearts and minds’ so many times on television, but this article kind of brought a realisation about for me. These two officers from the Canadian contingent had a group of elders to listen to their problems and what they needed. One of the elders stated that most of the people were not with the Taliban or with the ISAF. They would be with ISAF if they help them, but if they don’t…

People here in the West don’t realise that in Afghanistan it REALLY IS a matter of winning over the population. The Taliban could never operate if all of the people were against them – they’d have no place for refuge or supplies. They’d eventually just fade away… but the people are hedging their bets to see who comes out victorious. If past precedent is anything to go by, quite soon the ISAF will be gone and the Afghans will break out into a vicious civil war again where the Taliban will control most of the country, cut crime and narcotic production to almost nothing and murder hundreds of innocent people.

Ryan Paul

A British expat living in a state of deep hatred for the types of people produced in Kenora.

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